The Tedious Case of Benjamin Butthole

If you couldn't tell based on the title of this post, I am of the persuasion that the movie, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons" may be one of the most colossal wastes of time since the invention of the MMO, only without being actually enjoyable.

The movie basically chronicles the life of an orphaned "boy" who is named Benjamin by his adoptive mother, and later finds out that his last name is Buttons, when his father, a button manufacturer (go figure) meets up with him and over the course of the three tedious hours of the movie, reveals to him that he is his real father. It's worth noting at this point that while that may seem like a pivotal plot point in the movie, it's actually not. The truth is, there are no pivotal plot points in the entire movie. It is just one mundane life sequence after another. The only thing that makes this movie different from watching a movie about some average Joe is that he happens to get younger rather than older (which by the way, plays a very small role in the importance of the story). To add insult to injury, not only did the movie lack any sort of climactic events that might accidentally capture the audiences interest, the movie somehow manages to drag on for over three hours, leaving me praying to Zeus that the protagonist would just un-age already and end the movie, along with his life.

There is a minor theme that starts with the movie where Mr. Butthole's grandfather built a clock for Grand Central Station that intentionally runs backwards to symbolize how he wishes wars could be undone or some crap like that, and the last scene of the movie, after the clock has been moved to a basement and replaced, you see the clock one last time moving backwards. The only deeper meaning extracted from this scene was how the clock makes you wish I, like the auspicious clock, could run time backwards and avoid spending the precious hours of my life watching this horrible excuse for entertainment.