Words to Live By

I'm gonna get all philosophical on you all for a minute and talk about the two snippets of advice/information that I think have changed my outlook on the world more than any others.

The first is a quote misattributed to many and evolved over the years to the point I won't even claim I know who said it first (however I found a very interesting article on the subject you can read on your own). With my own personal flourish of interpretation is is basically this:

Small minds talk about other people. Average minds talk about things. Great minds talk about ideas.

First before I invite too much criticism, I admit off the bat, this, at face value could be very misleading (see the article I linked above for some of those nuances). But the point I think is very true is the first of the three points: small minds talk about other people. Talking about other people is easy. Especially so when it's negative or judgmental. Take for instance, someone who's brother has a substance abuse problem. Talking with your friends about what your views on drug addicts are, or how he made a choice, or how he's thrown away his life are comments as easy to speak as breathing. Or take politics. The 2016 presidential election was a shitstorm of people talking about other people, and in truly vitriolic and detestable ways. Or my favorite (or should I say my least favorite) example; reality TV. I'm talking here about shows like "The Real Housewives of " or really any combination of the elements "spoiled rich people get drunk, yell at eachother and fuck a lot". Those shows take the small-mindedness to another level. They take all that easy-to-spew negativity and turn up the dials on it. Making it more vile, more vapid, and sadly, more entertaining. It glorifies being small minded. It encourages you to sit and bask in the shit they're spewing and feel good about it.

The second two points, average and great minds, I think part of me believes too, but with trepidation. A quote as elegant as this was written by someone clever, and so the dice are loaded towards that end of the spectrum right off the bat. But regardless, I think moving away from just bitching about other people is the right direction to go. In my own life, I hate talking about people. I admit, I'm a bit of a loner. I like computers and solo motorcycle rides across the plains. So the need to blather on about the shortcomings (or even accomplishments) of other people has never come as naturally to me as I think it does to others. But I'm very conscious when I speak about what I'm talking about. I'm taking no position here, but for example: am I talking about Hillary Clinton being a bad person? Am I talking about the security at Benghazi? Am I talking about how peace can be achieved in the middle east? There obviously has to be an intermingling of these three categories. But I feel if you have to invoke talking about a person and their character traits, it should only be along the way to a broader point which can actually affect something.

The second bit of advice is not really a quote, and I don't remember who said it to me; I think it was one of my college professors, but they told me to start counting every time you say my, me, or I in a sentence. I (1) do it a lot. We all do. When I (2) was growing up I (3) had an older brother. My (4) best friend was in his grade so I (5) spent a lot of time hanging around adults before my (6) time. Adults would always ask me (7) how I (...) was doing. What was going on in my life. How growing up was going. It became clear to me as I grew up, that my natural tendency was to talk about myself. But it struck me that the adults in my life were not. They were asking me how I was doing. They were not talking to me about their days. What their jobs were like. What was on their minds. This always struck me as odd. When I was told to start counting personal pronouns, a light went off in my head. Learning to open up and care what other people are talking about is invaluable. I have many friends who after not seeing them for years will spend an entire evening talking about themselves, never once asking how I'm doing. This doesn't insult me; I understand the tendency. It just makes me a little sad that they're not aware enough to realize that they're talking to another person with the same hopes, fears, desires and stories as they have, and all it would take is a simple "and how are you doing?" to unlock those, and solidify the friendship.


What does it all mean? Don't talk about other people, unless you absolutely have to. If you must, try to think about the circumstances of those people, and not just the person as an isolated system. And rather than talking about others, if you find yourself talking to others, try to avoid saying I. You'll be shocked how much you do it, and how much you'll learn from and about the person to whom you are speaking.