Explaining the Inexplicable

I was at the gym yesterday... you know... sculpting my Guns... oh wait, that's not how the story starts. So I'm a the gym and there are a pair of guys there who were dressed oddly for the gym. I'll start by explaining their appearance, and then several explanations I was able to come up with to justify their odd choices of attire.

The two gentlemen were probably in their mid twenties, both wearing unlaced basketball shoes, "wife-beater" tank tops, jewelery, both metal and what appeared upon visual inspection to be hemp. The jewelry was adorned with large (2 to 3 inches) symbols and shapes. They both wore stylish white sunglasses, and beanies.

I have come up with two explanations to justify their choices in attire; the first is as follows.

It is likely that the shoes are loose to facilitate either superior air flow, or reduce friction/pressure against an injury, or a muscular or skeletal defect in the foot or ankle. Given the cumbersome nature of the jewelry, it likely has ceremonial or spiritual meaning and it's removal would be considered unacceptable even under circumstances where it would reduce mobility and agility. As for the sunglasses, chemically induced mydriasis would explain the need to shield the retina from excess light which could damage their optic nerves. While a myriad of psychoactive chemicals can induce mydirasis, the ones that do are usually not conducive to a good workout (i.e. THC, LSD, MDMA, etc). It is therefore more likely that a chemical such as Tropicamide was introduced by an optometrist. Furthermore, it is likely that they both suffer from a defect of the hypothalamus which would explain the need to reduce heat lost through the scalp via the hat, and have perspiration problems with their extremities, necessitating the tank tops. This would also fall in line with the need for the unlaced shoes.

Given the similarities of symptoms and behaviors, the two specimens may be related. Hypothalamal dysfunction of such a specific type would point to a congenital defect, and the coinciding of their optometrist visits further indicates a close relationship.

The other theory is much simpler. They are douche-bags, sworn to defend all that is lame and played out in this world. They probably also like the show "The Jersey Shore" more than they do their own families.